Thoughts of a Stranger
by IHeartLogiebear
Summary: James really believed that going to college would be a chance for him and his bandmates to start over, to leave their past behind. He could finally move on from everything that happened back in LA. However, he had no idea that while old problems would be forgotten, new ones would appear. Soon he's not going to be the only one on a downward spiral. (BEING REWRITTEN)
1. A Whole New World

**Authors Note (posted January 10, 2014): Hey, lovely readers! As of right now, I am rewriting Thoughts of a Stranger. I'm not reposting an entire "new story," but simply rewriting the first four chapters and replacing them with the new and improved version, then I'll be returning to a much more frequent update schedule. So I'll be deleting chapters 2, 3, and 4, rewriting them, and replacing them:) Then I'll continue updating this story on a much more frequent basis:) Hope you'll enjoy the new and improved version of this story!**

**(below is the new version of chapter 1)**

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Life doesn't always go the way you think it will. You start out in life thinking that things are so normal and that nothing will ever change, then you're slapped in the face with the truth. For four best friends from Minnesota, this was exactly the case. They came to sunny California to pursue a music career, only for one member to have a mental breakdown and be diagnosed with a mental illness that would change everything.

That one member? Me.

James Diamond.

Kendall, Carlos, Logan, and I tried making a comeback, which worked out for a while, but that ended up not working out. So we decided to leave the Hollywood scene behind in exchange for a normal college education at Florida State University. So far? It seems to have been the best decision we could make.

Sort of.

* * *

"WOOOO HOOOOO!" Carlos yelled, doing a cannonball into the pool. I look away as my friends go crazy at our first college party. One of the guys in our dorm decided to throw a party for the end of summer vacation, since classes start on Monday, and I'm actually worried for everyone's safety...and sanity.

Like, I seriously think that Carlos may be drunk. Scratch that, I KNOW he's drunk because I saw him drink like five or six shots of vodka. Then there's Kendall dancing on a table with a bottle of Jack Daniels...and Logan, who's actually holding a pipe in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other. I can't drink because I'm on medication for my schizophrenia.

I don't really care if Kendall and Carlos get wasted, but Logan is a husband and father. Isn't there a code of conduct for parents? Camille, Logan's _wife, _didn't even want him coming to this thing, but he practically begged her. Apparently, he's been so busy getting ready for classes and now he's desperate to let loose.

I shake my head, glancing over at the ice chest. I read an article about combining alcohol and antipsychotic medication and I believe it said that one or two drinks on occasion is okay, but that one drink may have the effect of two or even three. Hmmm, so it wouldn't kill me to have one bottle of booze?

Slowly, I walk over to the ice chest and grab a can of beer, only for someone to grab my wrist.

"You can't drink." Kendall slurs. I narrow my eyes at him, nodding to the bottle in his hand. Quickly, he drops it, pretending to be looking at everything but me. I fold my arms over my chest, leaning against the brick wall. I just saw that Alexa Vega look alike swimming over to Carlos and I'm pretty sure she's hitting on him.

"I'm going back to my room." I mumble, turning and leaving the pool. I walk inside and up the stairs to the dorm I share with Kendall and Carlos, shutting the door. I sink onto my bed and fall back onto the mattress, taking my glasses off and sitting them on the end table. We just arrived on campus a few days ago and I guess you could say I'm sort of nervous.

I remember how I use to love parties. In fact, I was always trying to throw one behind the hotel manager's back. Since I've been living with this mental illness, I've become reserved, shy, and quite anxious. I don't know if that's such a good thing, but it's not like I can help it. I'm too nervous to fully enjoy the college party scene.

"Hey, are the guys still out there?"

"Um, yeah." I answer, sitting up as Camille walks in with Gabi, her and Logan's one year old daughter. I watch as she sits the little girl down and Gabi toddles over to me, looking up as I make a silly face at her. She squeaks happily and I lift her up, sitting her on my lap.

"I didn't even think Logan cared about parties." Camille huffed, sitting next to me.

"Same here." I reply, tickling Gabi's tummy. It's almost funny how I, the former Hollywood Super Party King of Hollywood, is spending time with her while the 'Big Time Brain' is out getting wasted with Kendall and Carlos. I can't believe I'm turning out to be more responsible than Kendall and Logan, and especially Carlos.

"I think Kendall's just trying to forget about Jo and Carlos is just being Carlos, but Logan-"

"Yeah, I know." I answer, placing a kiss on Gabi's cheek. Camille frowns, rubbing my back.

"How are you?"

"Um, okay." I shrug, getting up and approaching the window. I can see the pool down below and all the college students behaving like idiots. Not to say that it's wrong to drink and have fun every once in a while, but I don't think you should drink yourself into unconsciousness. I've done that before and it's not fun for anybody.

"Let's not worry about them, okay? Isn't Lucy coming to visit tomorrow?"

"Yeah, she is." I smile. Lucy is my girlfriend. Yeah, I'm dating Lucy Stone, rocker and Hollywood's favorite bad girl. To some, she may come across as sort of a bitch, but she's actually really amazing and fun to be around. She understands my condition and has made an effort to educate herself about it, which I appreciate.

"You know, I met this set of twins, Piper and Poppy Davenport, and I could totally see Kendall and Carlos dating them." Camille giggles, handing me a picture. In the photo, she is posing with fraternal twin girls, one that resembles Alexa Vega and another that looks a lot like Ashley Benson. Okay, I have to admit that these girls are hot.

"That's Piper," Camille points to the Alexa lookalike. "And that's Poppy." She points to the Ashley lookalike. Man, I wonder who I look like.

"They're...pretty." I say, then I remain silent until Gabi starts babbling and pulling on my cheeks. "What is it, little girl?"

"I think Mommy needs to take her out to play before she gets too hyper." Camille says as she takes Gabi into her arms, waving at me before leaving the dorm. I proceed to return to my bed and crawl under the covers, closing my eyes. Today has been absolutely exhausting and I just need to rest before I end up getting TOO tired.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!"

I groan as I awaken from my sleep, looking at the clock. It's 2:30 am?! I've slept that long? Whoa. Anyway, when I sit up, my friends are all laying on the floor with sunglasses over their eyes and ice packs on their heads. I hold back a laugh, watching as Carlos grabs a basin, the alcohol obviously catching up to him.

"That's what you guys get." I tell them, getting up and grabbing a Coke from the mini fridge. Logan groans, pushing Kendall aside as he stands up and stumbles over to the window, sticking his head outside. I nearly lose it when he starts emptying his own stomach, all of the contents...well, they end up on someone else below. The funny part is hearing them scream in disgust. I hope they don't find out who did it.

"This isn't funny!" Kendall mutters, sitting up.

"Hey, I'm just saying that you should have thought before going to that party." I respond, drinking the Coke.

Knock! Knock!

"Hey, assholes! I got here early!"

"Oh god..." Carlos groans. I smirk as I open the door, revealing my amazing girlfriend. The minute she sees me, we kiss, while the guys complain. We're too busy with our "greeting" to care, though. I know it probably annoys them, but hey, what can you do when you're in a happy relationship?

"Oh, and I'm staying here all week." Lucy sits her suitcases down, while I continue my attempt at not laughing. "Now, what happened to you three?"

"Wild college party." Logan gulps. "It was _insane."_

Lucy raises her eyebrows at him. See? Even she knows how irresponsible this behavior is for a married man and a parent. I don't tell him anything because I wonder if he'll listen, but I really don't think he should be drinking and partying like this, not just for himself but for his wife and daughter. Is he really setting a good example for Gabi by behaving this way?

"I warned them." I insist, raising my hands in defense. Lucy reaches out, ruffling my hair before beginning to unpack her things. I point a warning finger at Kendall, Carlos, and Logan, who all look at me as if I'm insane. I'm sorry, but the fact that we've been here a few days and they're already making irresponsible decisions is getting on my nerves.

"Look, we have classes on Monday, so could you guys please get sobered up?" I request as I hand each of them a bottle of water. They mumble "okay" in response, much to my relief. Gosh, when did I become the caretaker around here?

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	2. Pushing Boundaries

**Celeb lookalikes: Piper (Lookalike: Alexa Vega), Poppy (Lookalike: Ashley Benson), Greg (Lookalike: Riker Lynch) and another will be revealed after the chapter:)**

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**James's POV**

"No, Gabi, you can't come to class with me." Logan told the pouting one year old. Gabi merely kept staring up at him with the same expression, clinging to his leg. Finally, he picked her up and kissed her nose before handing her over to Camille. I know he hates leaving her, but I don't think the professors want a screaming baby in their classrooms.

"Bye bye." I say, smiling at her. She squeaks when she looks at me, holding out her arms. I know she wants me to hold her and sneak her past daddy, but I give her a hug instead. She whines when we all go to the door, but I think she'll get over it when Camille takes her out to play later.

"I hope our professors aren't crazy." Carlos mutters. I don't know why we would have crazy professors. If they were, I don't think they would even be working here. Although, people can sometimes be good at fooling others. Oh my god, what if he's right?

We quietly walk into the elevator, staying quiet for the rest of the trip to the correct building. This is actually a very nerve wracking day for all of us, including Kendall, even though he'll never admit it.

"Here it is." He exhales as we enter the building where our math class is held. We walk straight down the hall and around the corner, almost immediately finding our class. It looks surprisingly laid back. Both of the twins from the picture Camille showed me are here. Poppy is sitting in the back of the classroom and Piper, who most be a teacher's assistant or something, is walking around and helping some people with the problems written on the board.

"I'm freaking out." Carlos whispers, squeaking. We find four empty seats in the front row, sitting down and getting our supplies out.

"Oh, we have Hollywood's favorite psycho here." One jerk laughs to his friends, and I know he's talking about me. It takes all of my strength not to walk up to him and beat his ass. When Kendall sees me clenching my fists, he squeezes my shoulder, shooting the guy a dirty look.

"Greg, don't be such an asshole." Piper snaps, screeching as "Greg" pulls her onto his lap.

"Let me go, you son of a-"

"Hey, let her go." Carlos says, standing up.

"And are you gonna make me, punk?" Greg asks, pushing Piper off of him and standing up. Carlos instantly rushes to Piper's side, helping her off the floor and asking if she's alright. I shake my head, only turning around when I hear Piper tell Greg to stop. Apparently, he tried to shove my friend, which really pisses me off.

"HEY!" I yell, getting up and grabbing him, shoving him against the wall. "Don't EVER push him or even lay a hand on him, got that?"

"What are you gonna do, crazy? Hit me? I don't see how you're even here, considering you probably don't even know where you are. I'm sure the voices would rather see you dead."

I start to raise my fist, until Kendall and Logan rush over and grab me, leading me and Carlos back to our seats. I wish I could have at least hit the bastard for threatening my friend and making fun of my illness. If Greg knew what it was like to live with schizophrenia, I don't think he'd be so quick to make jokes.

"Fighting on your first day? Really?" Logan scolds.

"I don't wanna talk about it." I murmur, watching as the professor finally enters the room. She's an attractive middle aged woman with wavy blonde hair and dressed in jeans and a white blazer. It's just really annoying when Greg whistled in her direction. Thank God that she chooses to ignore his immaturity.

"Hey, guys! I'm Miss Davenport." She told us. I look over at Piper and Poppy. Isn't their last name Davenport? Could they be related to our teacher?

"She's our mom." Piper informs us. I just keep quiet, looking down at my desk as Miss Davenport begins handing out the syllabus. I don't want anyone to know how Greg's words _really _made me feel, but it honestly hurts when people make fun of my illness. Do they really think I have any control over it?

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"I think we should all go to Miami this weekend and have a kickass party on the beach." Poppy suggests. While everyone else is paying attention to her, my eyes are darting between Piper and James. Piper's totally hot but I don't think I'm "her type." As for James, I'm _really _worried about him.

"You three boys, come with me." Poppy instructs, leading Kendall, Logan, and me away from the table and towards a door. To my surprise, behind this door is a set of stairs leading to a quiet basement. I don't know why she wants to show us this place, but I don't care to protest. So we follow her down the stairs and around the corner.

"You smoke?"

"I mean, I tried a pipe at that party on Friday, but I don't think-" Logan starts. My eyes widen as Poppy hands him a joint. Whoa, this is crazy. This is _too _crazy. I thought we could come to college, major in psychology together, and open our own psych practice with a little fun now and then, but maybe this is too much...

"Fine," Logan says. "Light it up."

Poppy snickers and lights the joint for him, laughing as she hands two more joints to me and Kendall. It really shocks me when Kendall actually lets her light his cigarette.

"I've gotta go." I mumble, getting up and dropping the joint, then hurrying back up the stairs. No, I love partying and having fun, but I'm starting to think this is too much "fun" for my liking. I'd rather be making sure James is okay and not having another mental breakdown. Shouldn't that be what Kendall and Logan want too?

"Hey, where's Kendall and Logan?" He asks when I finally bump into him.

"I don't know, Jay." I lie, glancing at the door.

"You know, the food at this place is pretty good." Lucy says, walking over to us with a Subway sandwich in hand. She only stops chowing down to plant a kiss on James's cheek, while I find myself thinking back to what I just witnessed. Here's the thing about Kendall and Logan. They've always been the RESPONSIBLE ones, now it's the other way around. James avoids wild parties like the plague and I party responsibly, while Kendall and Logan try to see who can get more drunk before 11 pm.

I'm _especially _disappointed in Logan.

"Well, it's almost time for my next class, so I guess I better go." James tells me, kissing Lucy on the cheek before walking past us.

"Is something wrong?" Lucy asks me.

"Ha! What? Nooo..."

I am such a liar.

A really terrible one.

* * *

**Back To James's POV**

"If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song."

My advisor told me that I'll need to take an elective, so I chose music, obviously. What I'm seeing right now is quite amazing. A few students have started a little jam session with a lead vocalist, a couple of guitar players, a keyboardist, and a drummer. I can't take my eyes or ears off of them.

"Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother, she'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and life ain't always what you think it outta be, no. Ain't even grey but she buries her baby."

A small smile appears on my face as I watch them. Something tells me that this class will actually be a relaxing place for me. It might be a good thing considering the things I've dealt with in the past few years. I need a place where I can forget everything and just focus on something I enjoy.

"The sharp knife of a short life, well, I've had just enough time."

I finally find a seat, sitting down and watching the band. I like how they've got that country/pop kind of sound. It makes them have a pretty unique sound compared to some artists. You know, like the Jennifers. They've been releasing some new music and while it may be good, it's not great and there's nothing special or different about it.

"I say we get the pretty boy up here." One of the guitarists whispers, nodding at me.

"What? Me? No..."

"Yeah, get up here and play us something." The lead singer, apparently named Maddy, smiles, pulling her brown hair into a ponytail. "We know all about Big Time Rush."

"Fine." I reply, walking over to them and grabbing a guitar. "But if I have to do this, you're singing with me. I liked what you were just doing there. I'm thinking we do...Mirrors."

"Oooh, that is my jam!" One girl exclaims. I start strumming a tune and the brunette starts singing up until the chorus, which I take on. Pretty soon everyone is singing and dancing along, except Greg, who just seems really annoyed by my presence. Right now, I really don't even care one bit about what he thinks.

"It's like you're my mirror, my mirror staring back at me."

Maybe it's only the first day, but I really think I'm gonna like it here.

That is, if nothing goes terribly wrong...

* * *

**Maddy (Lookalike: Lucy Hale)**

**Review! :D**


	3. Going Too Far

**Completed my FIRST week of the spring semester! :)**

* * *

Katie and Mama Knight moved to Florida too, so they could be closer to the guys. Katie pretty much loves it here, although it's so much different than Minnesota or Los Angeles. Mama Knight, on the other hand, is still adjusting. She's incredibly happy that her boys are getting a college education, but lately she has been feeling...nervous. She's not getting any younger and the fact that her ex-husband lives in Florida doesn't relieve her stress at all.

She and Martin ended their relationship amicably, but she knows that she'd feel incredibly awkward if she were to ever run into him. Yes, she still cares for him and she's happy that he has stayed in touch with Kendall and Katie, but she would be lying if she said that she didn't feel the least bit worried about seeing him.

She's treating herself to a little shopping trip at the local mall. She went to the beach for a bit and then she got dressed, then she went over to the mall and began looking for a few things to purchase for herself and her children. She got Kendall an FSU T shirt and a new phone case for Katie's iPhone 5C. As for her, she has no idea what she might like. And what about James, Carlos, and Logan?

"I think I know what would be perfect for you." A young woman says, stepping out from behind the cashier's desk. Mama Knight watches as the woman grabs a sky blue minidress, smiling awkwardly. She's a forty year old woman. How could she possibly look hot in a minidress?

"I think that's a little too...young for me."

"Oh, you're never too young to be sexy." This girl says, handing her the dress and ushering her toward a dressing room. Slowly, Mama Knight walks into the room and shuts the door, reluctant to try the dress on. It's incredibly pretty, but Lucy or Camille would look a lot better in it. She supposes that it wouldn't hurt to try, though.

So she changes into the dress, surprised when it actually fits. Slowly, she turns toward the mirror, her eyes widening slightly. Well, it doesn't look as terrible as she thought it would. All she needs to do is put on a little makeup and fix her hair, and she might look pretty good. In this dress, she actually feels younger than she is.

"I love it!" She calls out to the store employee.

"Great! Come on out and buy it!"

Mama Knight eagerly puts her old clothes back on, carrying the dress and her other shopping bags toward the cashier desk. She doesn't know what she's thinking, but she's just gonna roll with it. There's no shame in a woman wanting to feel young.

"Guess who's here."

Oh my god...

"Hi, babe!" The young cashier smiles, waving at someone behind Mama Knight.

"I see you're-Jennifer?"

"Martin?" Mama Knight's jaw drops as her ex-husband places a kiss on the other woman's lips. Wow, this is awkward on so many levels. For one thing, Martin is 41 and this girl looks like she's not a day over 29. Is it bad that Mama Knight is jealous? She didn't think she'd mind if he found someone new, but gosh, this is not as 'okay' as she thought it'd be.

"Um, thank you, but I've gotta go!" She says, grabbing her bag and hurrying out of the store.

* * *

Meanwhile, James is sure that he's at the party from hell. Seriously, he thought dorm parties were suppose to be fun, but the majority of the people in Poppy's dorm are all stoned/drunk, including James's three bandmates. Carlos already passed out thirty minutes ago and Kendall and Logan are dancing with Poppy and some skank that is NOT Logan's wife.

James finally walks out, storming down the hallway. He can't believe how stupid and irresponsible they're being. Don't they have any idea what they're doing? They are here to LEARN, not party. Obviously, they don't care because they continue to behave like idiots! It's starting get on James's nerves.

"I wish they'd turn the damn music down." Camille mutters, cradling a crying Gabi in her arms.

"Same here." James sighs, taking the baby girl from her. He lowers himself onto the mattress, kissing Gabi's cheek before humming the tune to Worldwide. It has always been the best way to calm her down.

"I wish I knew where Logan is." Camille sighs, sitting next to him. James instantly looks away, his eyes wide. Did Logan not tell her that he was going to another wild college party? Where exactly did he tell her he was going?!

"Where did he say-"

"He just said he was going out." Camille shrugs. James shakes his head, looking down at Gabi, who has begun to drift off to sleep. He placed a kiss on the child's cheek, watching her. Logan's selfish behavior really does appall him. When you have a wife and child that love you so damn much, the least you can do is try to be a responsible person and do what you need to do as a husband and father.

"He's probably studying." She adds.

"Y-yeah." James gulps, carrying Gabi over to the little bassinet that Camille brought over. She doesn't stir at all as he puts her down, continuing to sleep peacefully. He feels stupid and horrible for lying to his friend, but he doesn't want her or Logan to get hurt. He'd hate to see them fight and get divorced when he knows that they love each other.

"You've been taking your meds, right?"

"Yes!" James answers impatiently, then he calms down. "Yeah, I've been taking my meds."

* * *

"Dude, this is _amazing." _Kendall says, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"Yeah, it's nice to forget about everything and just...let go." Logan agrees, holding a cigarette between his hands.

Carlos pulls his knees to his chest, looking at his two friends. He doesn't know why he agreed to attend this party. He was incredibly excited to spent more time with Piper, he supposed. After all, she's both smart and beautiful. Who wouldn't want a girl like that? Now he's just bothered by how Kendall and Logan have been behaving tonight.

"You know what I want?"

"What, Kendork?" Logan chuckles drunkenly.

"A tattoo." Kendall replies. "A pair of angel wings on my back...or a peace sign...or a dog."

Carlos gives his two friends a disbelieving look. He has nothing against anyone getting a tattoo, but if they're thinking that he's gonna let them go to a tattoo parlor in this condition, they're sadly mistaken. No, no one should be allowed to get tatted while wasted. They'd just end up getting something really stupid and meaningless.

"I wanna get a pie on my shoulder."

"Lemme guess, pi as in MATH pi?" Carlos says sarcastically.

"Noooo, ACTUAL pie!" Logan giggles. Carlos rolls his eyes, bringing his hands to his face. He's honestly ashamed of these two right now. They're being so stupid and irresponsible, and it's enough to put Carlos in a really bad mood. Whether they believe it or not, he cares about them and their well being. He may drink every now and then, but not to this extent.

"Alright, let's go." He stands up and pulls them to their feet, forcing them to put out their cigarettes before dragging them down the hallway.

"LOGAN?!"

Well, this isn't good.

Camille steps outside just as they arrive, her face full of hurt and disappointment.

"Have you been _drinking?"_

"Does it really matter?" Logan slurs, stumbling past her into the dorm. Carlos and James watch in horror as Logan's wife storms off while Kendall hurries into the restroom. Now they KNOW that this has gone too far.

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**Hmm, what do you think will happen with Lomille? **

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